BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
