If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
