from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
