I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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