if i died would you start the facebook group?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
