I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
