people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
