I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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