so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
