he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
