Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
