Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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