I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
