i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize