Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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