love makes seman taste better
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
