i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
