my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize