I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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