Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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