when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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