It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
