I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
