last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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