I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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