If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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