wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
