I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize