I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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