Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
