That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize