everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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