He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
