I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
