Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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