Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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