My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
