My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
