Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
