Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize