Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize