You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
