It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
