Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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