Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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