you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize