He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
