I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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