Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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