I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
