the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
