I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize