So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it glows. i had to have it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize