Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
