Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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