it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
