Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
