...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
