Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
