she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
