Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
